Driving down a long dark road

Well Greg's blog is a tough act to follow, and combined with Chad's great poems this will pale in comparison, but its a blog and thats is what it is here for.  So here goes nothing!

Its dark, really dark, it feels like maybe my eyes are the only ones looking into this darkness, the road turns, and then headlights.  My arms are feeling sore, yet i haven't done anything.  I stretch, i sing, i snack, all in an attempt to keep my eyes staring into that darkness.  This has been my fear for so long, it just creeps up, will it creep up on my now???????  I am notorious for my ability to sleep, it first came to light in grade seven or eight when i fell asleep in the movie theater during one of the batman movies.  I managed to shrug that one off, but late nights of drinking would have pillows beckoning my name.

But its serious when it comes to driving, my dad fell asleep and crashed his car.  This shook me, but didn't stop me from having my own difficulty while driving.  When I was about 16 my family and best friend Ryan W drove out to clear lake for the day to check out their new little skate park up in riding mountain.  it was great day out there, i was the one driving home, same situation, late night, everyone asleep, quite, only me and the road.  Then scrape shake i wake up and pull the car back onto the road, i had hit the shoulder.  Fortunately enough i was able to pull back on the road before anything bad happened.  How lucky was I.  I awoke my parents, i told them something was on the road and i had to swerve.

Why would i do this???? take most of my families life and put it into harms way????

This happened one more time in my life.  Driving home from a fun weekend at the cabin, i had to drive home early in the morning.  I am driving about 130 making really good time, the next thing i know i am in the other lane facing on coming traffic, i swerve again and pull back into my lane.  my heart races, faster then ever before.  i pull over at the next gas station and park and sleep for a half hour, but more so i was trying to calm my beating heart.

So here i am a number of years later, driving, in the night, the start of a 4 day trip, driving through the night to have more time in Minneapolis.  Faced with the lights and the street lines.  Will the tiredness creep up on me again.  i have worked since 8 in the morning and its midnight, this is not usually a time i find myself awake, without the support of alcohol and dance that is. As i drive i have this intense feeling, i care so much for the people in this car, but yet my mind strikes fear into me.  Will i know if it creeps up on me, how will i know, will i see the signs, will this darkness take me and the car i am in.  My past is close in my memory, the times i had been jerked away out of sleep while driving, and its so dark...

but not this time, the detour is over, i know i have neared the end of my time able to drive, and there is the boarder so once we get through i can pull over and switch drivers.  I faced a fear, i challenged my ability to recognize my bodies signs and to not put those i love in danger!  It feels good to know that you have grown into your body and can read it better.  Maybe i am just more cautious, but i felt in control of something where i had not been in the past.  There is a strength in that, that holds you true and keeps you steady.


On another note everyone should watch this, its the entire new tv on the radio album in videos!

Tv on the radio "Nine types of light"